Create a Stronger Blended Family Through Estate Planning

Today, blended families are becoming just as common as non-blended families. Currently, 52% of married couples have a step-kin relationship of some kind, and 4 in 10 new marriages involve remarriage. But that does not obviate the need for cultivation of strong bonds and life-long relationships between the two families that join into one. And historically, in times when life expectancies were much lower, the joining of two parents, who each have children of their own, is nothing new.

If you’re part of a blended family, you’ve probably recognized the extra layer of complexity that comes with planning for your family’s needs and accommodating the many relationships that exist between step-parents, step-kids, and step-siblings. Topics that might be straightforward for another family - such as where to spend the holidays or who gets the old family car - are more complex.

Feelings tend to be more sensitive, as the person in a “step” role may feel self-conscious about their place as the “outsider” with part of the family, whereas on the other hand, one parent’s children may feel put out by the addition of a new step-parent, step-sibling, or half-sibling when their mother or father remarries.

Preventing Family Conflict and Disputes Over Your Estate Plan

Family members do not all think the same, and the wrong question, or the unplanned for difficult situation, can emphasize disagreements and different philosophies if there is no clear and straightforward way of making a decision. No matter how well you think you know your loved ones, it’s impossible to predict exactly how they’ll behave when you die or if you become incapacitated. No one wants to believe that their family members would ever end up fighting one another in court over inheritance issues or a loved one’s life-saving medical treatment, but the fact is, we see it all the time.

Family dynamics are extremely complicated and prone to conflict even during the best of times. But when tragedy strikes a member of the household, even minor tensions and disagreements can explode into bitter conflict. And when access to money (or even quite often, sentimental items of furniture or jewelry) is on the line, the potential for discord is exponentially increased. Ultimately, there is no greater cost to families than the cost of lost relationships after the death or incapacity of a loved one.

How Estate Planning Can Bring Blended Families Closer

Yours, mine, and ours … in today’s modern family, it’s oh so common. The blended family is the product of a second (or more) marriage, in which one or more of the parties comes with children from a prior marriage. And then, they may even go on to have children together.

While we say that they are modern, blended families are normal and have been common throughout thousands of years of human history, especially in times when life expectancies were much shorter than they are now. There is nothing wrong with a blended family. Indeed, on the contrary, second or third marriages are often sources of great love, strength, and security. Members of blended families can be intentional and careful in providing for both sides in the family in ways that are simultaneously unequal, prudent, fair, and just.

If you have or are part of a blended family, it’s important to understand how estate planning could be exactly what you need to keep your family out of conflict and in love, both during life, in the event of incapacity, and when one or more of the senior generation (read: parents) dies.

Let’s begin with understanding where potential conflicts could arise when you have a blended family.

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